January 29, 2013

It is incredible to me that this culture does not have a good complete word to talk about our most intimate female parts.

As a culture we most often use the term vagina to refer to our lady parts. However, technically the vagina is just the internal structure, the muscular canal between the vulva and the uterus, ending at the cervix. It famously means “sheath” in latin. The problem with this term is the complete omission of the entire structure of the vulva. This means we are verbally omitting our clitoris when we speak of our genitals, making invisible where most women experience orgasmic pleasure completely.

Technically the vulva is exclusively the external genitalia,  primarily the two sets of labia and the structure of the clitoris. The labia’s also have ill-fitting names. There are two sets, the labia majora and the labia minora.  The labia majora translates as the “larger or outer lips” and the labia minora refers to the “smaller or inner lips”. There are such a huge range of vulva shapes and sizes, with many women having inner lips being larger than the outer lips and these names can set women up to feel like they have incorrect or wrong genitalia. It is not the labia that are incorrect or deviant but the words we use to describe them inadequate and incomplete.

As precious as the female body is you would think we could come up with one word to inclusively name and honor the whole genital area, as if it all matters, because it does.

We need a new term, a new word to describe the totality of the female genitals in all its pleasure-making, beautiful, diverse glory.

Any suggestions?

January 27, 2013

Yesterday I wrote about how an important aspect of becoming a better lover is to develop the skill of paying attention to our own body and our lover’s body at the same time. Before trying to hold dual attention in your own body as well as your lover’s, it is best to develop the skill of paying attention to sensation in your own body first.

Interestingly, a practice that can assist us in developing a better sex life is meditation. If we can carve out just a few minutes to pay attention to the sensation in our body we can begin to feel more, which becomes valuable during sex. There are a huge variety of meditation forms and many focus on specific practices. I recommend beginning to focus on your breath and bringing your awareness to the sensations in your body. This can be a 2 minute moment, it doesn’t have to be long unless you want it to be. Start with a short amount of time and then begin adding minutes to your “meditation moment” over time.

The idea within this focused moment is to really feel your body, to begin to shift your attention from the hundreds of thoughts in your mind into the sensations within your body. We all have thousands of thoughts a minute and if we are paying attention to the thoughts, we miss what is really happening within our body. So developing this skill is essential to cultivate so that we can feel the most pleasure during our lovemaking.

Begin lying down, sitting in a chair or on the floor. Bring your attention into your body and breathe. Do this for a minute, two or longer. Notice what you feel.

This is how we begin really paying exquisite attention to the feelings and sensations we have. Strengthening this skill set moment by moment is preparing us to be able to feel more orgasmic sensation later.

January 20, 2013

Exercising our bodies is a part of self care that some of us have a complicated relationship with.

Some of us love how exercising makes our body feel, others are obsessive and others just don’t do any sort of exercise for a whole host of reasons.

Each of us has our own journey with how we take care of our health and fitness and we have to find what works for us and be flexible enough to adjust it as our lives and situations alter.

Each of us is different, but we are unified in that our bodies are happier when we move them some.

What makes you feel like you are taking care of your body and your fitness?

A hike, a walk around the block, a solo dance party in your living room?

What would you like to do this week to take care of your body’s fitness as an act of self care?

January 13, 2013

January 13, 2013

January 13, 2013

Movement is essential to feeling joy in our bodies.

Moving and specifically dancing opens our bodies to feel sensation.

This is one of the best ways we can open the channels to pleasure within our bodies.

Dancing can change the way your body feels and even the way you feel about your body.

It is good for the body, spirit, mood and sexuality.

Will you experiment with dancing to one song this week and see how it makes you feel?

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Self Care is a foundational aspect of life that is so profoundly essential but often forgotten, delayed or de-prioritized. Some people put self care practices in place proactively or in response to a major crisis in their lives,  while other people are not sure what works for them or have just transitioned into a different stage of life, like new motherhood and require a revised set of what self care can look like in shorter periods of time.

I find again and again that taking a little time to care for myself in some way puts me in such a better mood, makes me so much more available for others and improves the quality of my work. When I need any sort of cleansing or refreshing, water is where I go.

Most of us shower or bathe daily and it is quite possible to take a moment to turn this routine act into a multi-sensory pleasurable experience that activates the body, calms the mind and revives or relaxes you depending on your intention.

This moment in our everyday life can be turned from a task that needs to be done, preferably quickly, to a pleasurable, reviving experience by giving our senses our full attention. The act of lighting a candle and treating yourself to a long shower in the flickering light of the flame is an example of a simple choice that turns a routine act into a ritualistic one. Listen to the soothing sound of water, inhale the scents of your choice as you tend to your body and feel the water running over your skin.

Choosing to turn showering into a valuable moment of self care is a simple act that can be added into your everyday life without even taking more time, just more of your attention. Your attention to your senses elevates the moment and you gift yourself a pleasurable experience.