February 26, 2013

Something I like to do 4 times a year, when another season begins, is to check in with how your erotic life is going so far this year.

Is it what you want or are there a few shifts you may like to make happen for an even better next season?

Some people think having erotic goals is strange. But we have goals in all other areas of our life; health, fitness, finances and work. Having goals just means it is an area of life that you pay attention to and are taking an active role in creating. Throughout our life we have such different erotic desires and needs at different moments. Which is why checking in 4 times a year as the seasons change is a great chance to reflect on where you are and determine what your body might like to experience in the months ahead.

Erotic goal setting is something that can be done solo or with a partner. Fundamentally our erotic life is first and foremost with ourselves and then we share ourselves with our partner(s) or whomever we wish. We can have particular erotic goals solo and another set with a partner.

It’s useful to ask yourself, what have I been experiencing these past 3 months? Be honest with yourself about what has worked, what you have enjoyed or been grateful for and notice what you feel like you have missed. What are you craving these next few months? What would your body really love to experience these days? Can you imagine the sensations of what you desire to feel?

Here are a few different erotic energies, notice what feels appealing or absolutely not of interest right now. Or does this list spark another idea of what you might feel interested in these days? Can you distill the feeling of what you’d like to experience and identify 3 qualities you’d like to experience this next season of your life.

Would you like to feel:

Tended to, Worshiped, Devoured, Appreciated, Nourished, Connected, Covered in loving touch, Excitement, Newness, Adventure, Taboo-breaking, Naughty, Held, Loved, Safe, Pleasured, Ecstatic, Beautiful, Holy, Sacred, Carnal, Primal, Ravished, Surrender, Power, Dominant, like a sex god/dess (whatever that looks like or feels like to you), Seduced or Seductive.

Identifying what feelings you’d like to experience more of in your erotic life is the first step. Then you can move on to think about what acts or experiences you’d like to try in your sensual and sexual life and create experiences that make you feel that way.

At different moments in life we want and need such different things. If you’ve just had a baby perhaps sex is not on your mind at all and perhaps you’d like to feel tended to and nourished and you’d like to feel connected with your partner. That could look all sorts of ways for you, perhaps you’d like to receive a massage once a month from your lover, want to be made dinner and to take time to cuddle and connect. These are perfect goals for this season, though a partner may want something else and you two may need to figure out how to get their needs met.

Or maybe adventure is on your mind and you’d like to break some personal taboos and try something new. To make this happen a conversation or two is necessary, some new learning or tools may be needed.

Perhaps you are flying solo these days and still want to be expanding your sex life so you decide you want to start trying new things solo and expanding your world of solo touch. You want to get out of your regular habits and start treating yourself to some new experiences. Imagination and curiosity are in order.

Alternatively you’ve been really stressed out recently and need to be really ravished, and have someone else take total control for a while. Conversations are in order, boundaries set and invitations made.

If you like this idea and want even more of a step by step process in erotic goal creation and setting, our book The Fantasy Method, guides you fully through the process of creating a fulfilling sexual life tailored perfectly for you with twenty different exercises to get you really clear on what you want erotically and how to go about getting it!

We create our erotic life through a series of big and small choices that we make every day and each year. Are you making the choices you want? As the seasons change take the opportunity to take a look at your erotic life and determine if you’d like to experience something else this next season, and then see if you can make it happen for yourself.

What might you like to experience more of in the next 3 months?

Is there an erotic energy that stands out for you right now and seems particularly appealing?

What might you do to create an experience that may create that feeling for you?

Is there anyone to talk to, any new skills to learn, tools to gather? Let us know in the comments, sometimes naming it can make it more likely to happen!

To an erotically fulfilling life, whatever that looks like for you, right now.

I send you so very much love and support!

Charlotte Mia Rose

February 23, 2013